Wall Mountables at DCAC

Around this town, anytime that you have an open show (meaning a show without a juror or curator), the critics tend to immediately savage it. This seems to be a predictable critical analysis somewhat unique to our area's visual arts and artists as viewed by most of our area critics.

Once a year, the District of Columbia Arts Center (DCAC), through a show called "Wall Mountables," allows any and all artists to hang anything they want, so long as it fits within a two square foot space. That exhibition opened last night to a huge crowd, and hangs at DCAC until September 4, 2005.

And in my opinion, after having seen several years' worth of "Wall Mountables," and after having participated in several of them myself, and after having purchased art in some of them, this is the best "Wall Mountables" so far.

The show is hung salon-style, as every precious inch of wall space has been claimed by artists. A prize, for best use of the space, was awarded on opening night by DCAC Executive Director B. Stanley as selected by several "Best Use of Space" jurors: Michael O'Sullivan, one of the the WaPo's art critics, DCAC Board members Philip Barlow and Marc Cohen and someone else whose name I cannot recall.

The winner was the fair Kathryn Cornelius, who's riding a hot streak recently, including receiving lots of attention for her video piece in the Warehouse's "Seven" show. Cornelius intelligently employed her two foot square by installing a glass-encased swing gate, inside which she created an installation of written words on a collection of matchbooks.

The buzz artist of the night was Ben Tolman, whose superbly weird little paintings and drawings were selling like hot cakes (I bought three of them). Tolman, who recently graduated from the Corcoran, and who has an impressive piece included in the Warehouse's "Seven" show, is represented by a dozen or so small paintings and drawings, which although showing a tremendous influence by the works of the equally odd Robert Crumb, nonetheless show young Mr. Tolman's own unique views and creative hand at work in his weird world of three breasted women, space aliens and sad girls.

I also quite liked Todd Gardner's series of works focused on clowns; really odd and somewhat scary clowns - more like a Stephen King version (such as in his masterpiece It) than a Red Skelton kind of clown.

Gardner's works are frenetic and full of information, and in his own clown infested world, almost make sense in some oddly familiar way, cleverly dragging us into these intimate-sized works that then bring the viewer into Gardner's Stephenkinguesque macabre clownland.

I also liked Natalie Marcy's resin and plaster wall sculptures.

They are (I assume) dipped images of Natalie's face; there are three of them in the exhibition.

In the sculptures in the show, Marcy has employed the same multiple portrait approach, to deliver interesting, if slightly surreal, imagery, as if we're looking at the artist's face from an underwater perspective.

Kristin Freeman, who is DCAC's departing gallery manager, also has several handsome mixed media drawings in the show. And the fair Candace Keegan has several of her sexy portraits on exhibit, drawing the usual attention from everyone.

Peter Gordon has a singularly brilliant painting in the exhibition titled "Easy Does It." It is one of those clear paintings with an unexpectedly mundane subject (a salt and pepper shaker) that delivers a good lesson in what a good painter can do to keep the "ancient medium" alive and fresh.

Study this painting and you'll soon discover, in the elegant way in which Gordon has handled the paint, what a dab of white can do to create the illusion of light and a third dimension on the confines of a two dimensional canvas. No matter how many times I see this painting trick effectively accomplished, it still takes my breath away. That is why a thousand years from now, art galleries all over the universe will still sell paintings.

There's also one of those beautifully fragile laminated plywood wall sculptures by Nancy Samson Reynolds that are sensual and minimalist. It stands out both visually and figuratively.

On the same wall as Nancy's sculpture there are four mixed media pieces by Anna V. Davis, whose recent show at Gallery Neptune was quite good.

The works are colorful and visually attractive and also demand closer attention, as one discovers the craft of Davis' hands at work.

Initially giving the appearance of a very complex mosaic, we are fooled by Davis into thinking that her work is just sort of a square pointillist genre of painting.

Bring your nose closer to the work, and discover that in addition to painting, Davis has secured thousands of tiny paper pieces, to in effect create a mixed media of collaged paper and paint, to in reality created a paper mosaic of her unusually contemporary figurative work.

It is colorful and intelligent (and obviously enormously time consuming), and marries the ancient tradition of inlaid mosaic work, with a new fresh interpretation and look.

My final mention goes to a really nice photograph by Jennifer Dorsey, titled "Diversity in Monotony." It is one of those photographs that stands out by its clarity and starkness, although I wondered how it would look about ten times larger than the two foot space given to it.

Go see this show and buy some artwork.

Wanna go to an Opening?

Loads of openings tonite... see some of them here.

I'll drop by for a little while to see DCAC's Wall Mountables show.

See ya there!

La Llorona for Sale

After receiving a few emails asking for this particular drawing, I'm putting "La Llorona" (or the "Weeping Woman" -- one of the drawings that I recently did while visiting San Diego), for sale. You can bid for it here.

La Llorona is 12.25 x 3.375 inches on 300 weight paper. Matted in a pH-balanced, acid free white mat to 20x8 inches. It is inspired by my interest in the legend of La Llorona as well as by a photograph by the great Danny Conant.

Bid for La Llorona here.

The 2005 MFA Graduates Exhibition

When the Arlington Arts Center re-opened after extensive renovation a few months ago, I predicted that it would become one of the key art venues in our area.

Two concurrent and current exhibitions at the Center -- The 2005 MFA Graduates Exhibition and Art from Arlington – prove me right.

The MFA exhibition is described in the Center’s news release as delivering "fresh ideas and exciting works by 13 dynamic new artists who have just received the Master of Fine Arts Degree from universities in Virginia, Washington DC and Maryland, some of whom have already exhibited in New York galleries."

And for once, the news release is pretty close to the target. The works in this show truly do exemplify the high quality, innovation and intelligence of the artwork currently emerging from some of our area’s universities; especially the Richmond area. The show includes all genres of the contemporary arts: installation, sculpture, photography, digital prints and mixed media drawing and painting.

The participating MFA graduate artists are: Diana Al-Hadid, Sarah Bednarek, Megan Biddle, Jan Filsinger, Natalie Guerrieri, Shawn James, Chris Metzger, Timothy Michael Martin, Nick Moses, Cara Ober, Lee Vaughan, Valentine Wolly and Andrew Yff.

Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) has one of the best graduate programs in the nation, with budding baby stars like Alessandra Torres (currently exhibiting in DC at my "Seven" exhibition at the Warehouse Gallery) and Claire Watkins (whose spectacular work I reviewed when she was included in the Arlington Art Center’s re-opening show). So it is no surprise that the best piece in this show is by VCU graduate Megan Biddle.

And Biddle steals this show early and easily. She weaves her artistic magic in the least expected of places; that one genre of art slowly but surely being dragged away from craft into fine art by a few brave souls: glass.

Biddle has a piece titled "Plumage." At first sight, you are deceived by it (in a sensory sort of way, especially if you read the title of the piece before you see it).

Then you get closer and you discover that Biddle has created a plumage-like effect by putting together a diverse set of broken glass pieces (did you collect them or did you make them Megan?) and has cleverly glued them together to give the appearance of plumage.

But they are not glued. In fact, if you press your face against the wall and study the work from a sharp perspective, you see that Biddle has drilled a tiny hole into each piece of glass, which then hangs suspended from an invisible (made invisible by the glass in front of it) structure of chicken wire.

Can materials, technique and creativity get any cleverer? Brilliant piece and a perfect title Megan! Bravo!

Now... I want to see a dozen of these; all in different colors and shapes.

Art from Arlington

In a concurrent exhibition, the Center had a call for Arlington artists to submit slides, and the resulting exhibition now offers us a view of what 30 plus Arlington artists are focusing their creative talents upon.

Who steals this show? Mmm... tough call.

Group shows are hard to review without sounding like a member of the all-negative critic team. The weak member(s) of the show drag everyone else down, but also make the stand-outs really... Uh... stand out!

Unfortunately, this is a rather middle of the road show – not in the sense that it is a bad show, but in the sense that this show tends to "blend in" into an amalgamation of what is happening in every art community in America today.

I’ve curated shows twice as large as this and have come up with exactly the same results; so I’ve lived inside this monster and know of what I am writing about.

So, first let me applaud the Arlington Arts Center for doing the right thing with this show (do it every year!)… I like shows that show the pulse of an arts community… and the Arlington Arts Center should make it part of its mission to continue to show us the caliber of the artwork being produced in Arlington; my kudos to its talented curator Carol Lukitsch – Bravo Carol!

So who stands out in my walkthrough of the show (opening very well attended by the way)?

There’s Bobbi Baumann Vischi... I am not sure if Bobbi is standing out for the right or wrong reasons though.

Baumann Vischi’s piece is titled "Boy Child – Rite of Passage," and it is technically a brilliant piece. But at first I thought that I was looking at a piece by Tim Tate or Michael Janis from the Washington Glass School.

Baumann Vischi’s piece is one of those deep relief cast glass pieces that were first done and perfected around here at the Washington Glass School by Tim Tate (represented by us) and Erwin Timmers (represented by Studio Gallery); since Tate and Timmers offer classes, it was but a matter of time before one of their students (and I don't know if Baumann Vischi is a former student) would channel their teachers and come up with a replica of the sort of work that has made Tate, Janis and other Washington Glass School people stand out on a class of their own when it comes to "narrative" glass.

And Baumann Vischi’s piece certainly shows tremendous technical skill, but lacks originality – a harsh, but honest thing for me to express. My advise: Push your own vision rather than channeling your inspirators.

So who stands out?

Let’s start with Josephine Haden, who continues to baffle me with her paintings; which I’ve seen many times over the last few years – most recently at Strictly Painting V.

Haden’s work is one of those that must be described: In the two pieces in this show ("Rescue II" and "Crossing"), Haden uses broad strokes to describe an ocean... not a meticulous sea painting here, but broad, plain blue strokes that describe an almost naïve ocean.

And that just where Haden’s work stops being naïve.

She then adds landscape features, children on rafts, dogs, helicopters – you name it, and Haden can paint it! This is an artist who can visualize a collage (which is what her work initially appears to be) and use a talented brush to translate it into canvas.

And then there’s J.T. Kirkland.

Kirkland is an online buddy of mine. Just like me, he’s a blogger (his Blog is Thinking About Art) and an artist (his website is www.jtkirkland.com) ; And his work – inspired by minimalism and consisting of elegant planks of wood with patterns of holes drilled into it – simply are SO different from everything else on this exhibition, that they stand out!

And damned the consequences, but Kirkland’s – for better or for worse (for better in my opinion) – stands out in an otherwise blurry cast of characters… and being "different" is a big component of being "good"… right?

And he received a Doris Day sweet spot in the lower level galleries... center of the room, good lighting; his two entries – just look minimalist and different!

And after walking the galleries a few times, and enjoying the power of an Arts Center rapidly becoming the key art link in its community, I was pleased to absorb the fact that Arlington, its artists and this Center are going to offer a lot of great shows and great artists for many years to come!

Georgetowner review

You can read the John Blee review of Seven in the Georgetowner newspaper here.

Nekkid Museum goers

This will never, ever, happen in an American museum.

Venus for Sale

In the spirit of Duane Kaiser, and of J.T. Kirkland, and of Bailey, and of Alexandra Silverthorne, and after a few readers suggested it, I've decided to start posting some original artwork here for sale.

As there's no way I can do one of these a day (I applaud Duane Kaiser's incredible art work ethic!), it will probably be once a week or so.

The first piece being offered is an orginal charcoal drawing, circa 2004, titled "Venus Standing at the Edge of the World." The piece is approximately 5 inches high by 4 inches wide and it is matted and framed to 14x11 inches in a black, matte wood frame under glass. Signed, titled and dated on the front in pencil recto on lower margin, and also on verso. Starting bid is $99. Bid on this drawing here.

Starting bid is $99. Bid on this drawing here.

Artwork stolen

When anything and everything is art, things like this happen!

Gallery Openings and Talks

Friday, July 29, 7-9PM. DCAC has Wall Mountables, one of the best open shows on the planet! (Disclaimer: I've been part of it in the past, and will probably be part of it in the future). The entire DCAC upstairs space will be covered by original artwork from DC area artists. Details here.

Friday, July 29, 6-8PM. The Kathleen Ewing Gallery is having an exhibit of creative three-dimensional birdhouses to benefit the cats at the Washington Animal Rescue League. Exhibition runs through Sept. 3, 2005.

Friday, July 29, 6-9PM. Bringing It All Together: The Art of Joyce Lomax. Join Ramee Art Gallery as they host their last show on 14th Street. They are featuring the art of Atlanta-based artist Joyce Lomax. Ramee Art Gallery will relocate to 606C Rhode Island Avenue, NE on August 20, 2005 after 13+ years on 14th street.

Sunday, July 31, 1-7PM. The Dupont Society will host its first community-wide art exhibition on July 31st, 2005! The opening will be held from 1pm - 7pm at 2105 S Street, NW.

Sunday, July 31, 3-5PM. Images of Life, an exhibition featuring the works of Afrika Midnight Asha Abney at Phish Tea, 1335 H St NE Washington, DC from July 31, 2005 - September 3, 2005. An artist's talk will take place on August 13, 2005 from 5-9pm.

Sunday, July 31, starting at 2PM. I'll be giving a Curator's Talk discussing Seven currently on exhibit at the great Warehouse complex on 7th Street. Come and say hello.

Blee on Seven

There's a major review of Seven in the Georgetowner today written by their art critic John Blee.

I'll have a link up as soon as Georgetowner puts it online.

Update: The review is online; it's page 30 here.

The Power of the Web

So there's a heavy metal punk rock band from Illinois called Beneath the Hollow, who apparently read DC Art News and found Bailey's photography as a result.

And now those righteous young boys have approached Bailey and asked him about permission that would grant them a limited license to use one of his images from the "Cemetery Saviour" series for band promotional materials: T-shirts, etc.

And they've struck a deal! Bailey has more details and the whole story here.

Openings

There are a lot of openings this coming Friday... come back later for a list, and also a review of a couple of the shows currently on exhibit at the new Arlington Arts Center.

Opportunity for Artists

Warehouse will be hosting their 4th Annual Where is the Peace? show.

This 4th annual show at Warehouse is devoted to the Peace effort. The show opens September 16 (a week before the March for Peace in Washington and other cities around the country, September 24th) and will stay up through October 2nd.

Send digital images of your entries to Molly Ruppert at ruppertm@erols.com by August 17th to be considered for inclusion in the show.

New Arts Organization

The Dupont Society is a new arts organization. They are named after the Dupont Circle area, where is organization is based.

Their first exhibition opens next Sunday, July 31st at 1PM. Details here.

Welcome to our area's cultural tapestry!

Studio Space Available

The Arlington Arts Center has a vacancy in its large 600 square foot, 4-artist studio. Available for 2-year lease, with second and third two-year period renewable upon review and approval. Artists in group studio are eligible to apply for individual studios when available, but maximum residency for all AAC resident artists is six years. In addition to the studio, artists will have access to shared facilities, including lounge area, mini-kitchen, and bath with shower.

Deadline for applications is September 15. Space is available October 1, 2005. Selection criteria will include artistic merit, potential for collaborative outreach approach to art and to the community, and diversity of artist representation.

For more information and to download an application, visit the website at www.arlingtonartscenter.org or contact them at 703.248.6800 or via email at info@arlingtonartscenter.org.

The Arlington Arts Center is located at 3550 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA, 22201, one block from the Virginia Square Metro station on the Orange Line.

Nekkid pics

In a brilliant attempt to drive traffic to his new art Blog, Bailey is posting nekkid pictures of his ex-girlfriends.

See them here.

CNN on Seven

I am told that the CNN spots on Seven will be running this week; I'm on the road again this morning, so if anyone sees them, please let me know.

New BLOG

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the Blogsphere, Bailey has a new daily art Blog.

And he's already stirring the art pot by jumping into the MFA Boston debate.

Visit Black Cat Bone often.

Fair

Away all day today at an art fair, and again tomorrow; more later.

Bailey on BORF

Bailey, Bailey, Bailey...

The following article was intended for publication in the Washington Post upon the arrest of its anonymous writer, James W. Bailey, on charges of aiding and abetting the graffiti artist known as Borf. The article was leaked by a confidential source within the White House (Karl Rove) to DC Art News and is being published in advance of the arrest of Mr. Bailey. DC Art News does not have a confidentiality agreement with Mr. Bailey to preserve his anonymity as the writer of this special contribution to the Washington Post and is therefore publishing it in its entirety.

"For Those Too Young to Die (Yet Too Old to Tag), We Salute You!"
by James W. Bailey

(Washington, D.C.) Minutes after the once-elusive graffiti artist known as Borf was transferred from Metropolitan D.C. police to the U. S. Marshall’s Service for extradition to Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo, Cuba, several hundred of his young angry disgruntled disciples had a message for those outraged by Borf’s graffiti.

"This is just the beginning!" chanted the mob as it hurled empty spray paint cans toward a frightened Mayor Anthony Williams who was standing linked arm-in-arm with shell-shocked federal officials outside the Municipal Courts Building. "Now even more rich suburban kids from Northern Virginia are going to invade your city and come out in protest, so this isn't the end!”

If the mob’s intent was to intimidate the nattily dressed mayor by raising the specter of in his words "spoiled prep school elitist Starbucks latte-sipping adolescent anarchist jackasses from across the Potomac" descending on every blank wall in the city until Borf, aka Michael Tsmobikos, is freed, it didn't work.

"You wanna-be punk artists are going down the wrong path," Williams frantically screamed while dogging cardboard stencils tossed like Frisbees his way. "Don’t you disrespectful jerks realize you're destroying private property?! Don’t any of you aesthetically lacking idiots understand the value of the free enterprise capitalist system and its importance to furthering a graffiti-free environment that is safe for tourists?! Is there even one suburban brat among you who has ever read any Ayn Rand?! Don’t any of you untalented fools realize that your so-called ‘tags’ aren’t really art in the first place?!"

As laughter erupted from the swarming gang of aggressive graffiti artists, a rancorous collective response of “Free Borf! Free Borf! Free Borf!” was also rudely hurled along with other accoutrements of the street graffiti trade at Williams and Vice-President Dick Cheney, who had agreed at the last minute to appear at the press conference announcing the federalization of Borf’s criminal case.

The gang of boys assembled from Great Falls, McLean, Reston and other high income zip codes in Virginia, met Williams's and Cheney’s paternal gaze with hard, unblinking stares of their own. Either it was the boldest of bluffs or the boys who confronted the representative powers of Washington, D.C. truly believed they could summon an army of graffiti artists/taggers who would swarm over the city's unprotected walls like rats in "Willard."

Recounting the confrontation 30 minutes later in the anteroom of his office at City Hall, Williams was still angrily shaking his head about the boys' "misplaced hero worship of this punk crap artist Borf."

"Borf and those rich white boys from Virginia who helped him and who support him declared war on the city," said Williams nervously shaking his fist. Asked what he was going to do about a possible resurgence of wide-spread anti-capitalist graffiti in the city, Williams angrily waved a copy of an ordinance he first proposed to Washington, D.C. City Council two years ago, only to see it narrowly defeated.

"We're reintroducing this emergency legislation next week that will make it a felony crime for white minors who are non-residents of the City of Washington, D.C. to buy or possess spray paint, indelible markers or etching acids, as well as all the other tools these graffiti terrorists use, including cardboard for their stencils," he said. "This thing, whether it's a fad or an art form, which every sane person knows it’s not art by the way, or just plain vandalism created to incite terrorist insurrection, as I believe it is, has got to stop. And this Mayor is damned determined to stop people like Bork dead in their tracks."

Vice-President Cheney, who joined Williams in his hurriedly relocated press conference, echoed Williams sentiments and explained the federal government’s role in the Borf case: "The outstanding investigative work of the joint city and federal task force that tracked down and arrested this so-called graffiti artist has at last put an end to the terroristic actions of Borf and has effectively ended the deluded notion that Borf’s tags were a respectable form of art. Borf’s tags were clearly not art. They were coded terrorist messages that were designed to encourage intellectually gullible and emotionally susceptible children to murder their parents while asleep in their beds. Tags like “Grown Ups Are Obsolete”. Any rational American knows what that message is attempting to communicate to the youth of America. It’s also quite clear to the government that Borf’s campaign of terror against the people of Washington, D.C. was being financed by Al Qaeda. Borf himself has confessed to traveling to Europe to protest the G-8 conference. As is quite clear from recent CIA reports, Al Qaeda financed most of those protestors. Borf has therefore been declared an enemy combatant and has been transferred to Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo, Cuba, for further torture, uh, a torturous, that is a very thorough interrogation."

When asked if he had agreed to the federalization of Borf’s crimes in order to placate White House demands that were tied to an impending announcement of Presidential support of the Mayor’s efforts to secure statehood for the district, Williams bristled: "That is pure B.S.! The Mayor of Washington, D.C. does not do the quid pro quo biding of the White House when it comes to protecting the citizens of this city from terrorists like Borf. This Mayor does the right thing. And the right thing was to allow the federal government to handle Borf."

Cheney offered a similarly stern response: "Look, Mayor Williams is a hero in the effort to defeat terrorism and to secure the apprehension of this terrorist thug Borf. As we all know, federal legislation has long allowed the RICO statue to be used to federalize the cases of young African-American gang members who engage in acts of graffiti terrorism. There was a loophole in the law. No one ever really saw the day when rich white kids would be bold enough to leave their comfortable suburban stomping ground to wage a terrorizing campaign against the City of Washington, D.C. with their Al Qaeda funded messages of anarchy and anti-consumerism. Obviously, we need to have Congress immediately beef-up the current anti-gang laws that are on the books. But the allegation that President Bush somehow suggested to the Mayor that if he didn’t support the government’s position on Borf that that action would threaten future support of DC statehood is ridiculous and is blog generated propaganda being spread by Borf’s anti-American supporters to increase the mythology of Borf among extremists."

Though Williams remains an implacable foe of anti-capitalistic graffiti, he isn't without a small degree of sympathy for young men like Borf. He insists that he understands their alienation, but he's more offended that people feel they have the right to assert their identity at the expense of property owners and taxpayers who'd rather not provide their walls for someone's therapy.

"Look, I’m a human being and understand the pain of other people. Borf’s mother came to me after his arrest to say her son was innocent," Williams said. "I told her that I felt sorry for her, but that she shouldn't hold her son in awe because there's nothing exciting about that punk. Let’s get real. Borf’s not even that charismatic. And worse, he doesn't even have a single original idea he can call his own. ‘For God sakes’, I told her, ‘he reads stupid French books on B.S. philosophy by some dead guy who committed suicide named Guy Debord!’"

In a highly emotional state, with his lips quivering as he spoke, Williams continued: "Look, it’s not like Borf's protesting the War in Iraq with his graffiti. He's not doing anything to advance society or politics. And he’s especially not doing anything to advance the concept of art! Sure, some graffiti is at least interesting to look at, but not Borf’s. His stuff is all crap! And it’s certainly not real art. To Borf’s supporting art critics, I ask this: what’s Borf’s original aesthetic message? What the lasting impact of his art? Where do you really feel Borf’s place will be in the future pantheon of great artists? Borf is a gutter punk wannabe artist and that’s where he’ll always be."

When questioned about the critical legitimacy of street graffiti as a respected art form, Williams nervously continued his defensive tirade: "Look, we have all kinds of real galleries and museums in the city where you can go and see some real art. Real art has no place out on the streets anyway. Real art ought not to be out in the real world where it’s exposed to the elements and can be rained on. Any person with half a brain that knows anything about real art knows that. The Washington Post’s chief art critic Blake Gopnik doesn’t like street art. He didn’t think those Party Animals were real art, did he? So I’m in respectable company with this opinion because I don’t either. Street art is for untalented artists who don’t merit gallery representation. My advice to people like Borf is to keep your so-called art off outdoor public property and spend more time in your studio learning how to paint pictures of the Washington Monument that you can sell to tourists at the Torpedo Factory."

In an extraordinary related development, President Bush deviated from the script of his weekly press conference on Iraq, also held on the same day, to comment on the Borf situation. The following is a transcript of Bush’s remarks:

"I’m reminded that today that this young fella Borf who’s been painting these evil statements about kids killing their parents, has finally been arrested.

Terrible kid. And make no mistake here, he's a terrorist. This kid Borf.

It’s a sad day in some ways this day that’s today, with Borf being arrested. This Culture of Death thing that I’m always talking about has infected Borf and his supporters.

And some of these elitist academic art idiots... uh intellectuals call Borf’s bagging [sic tagging] art! Well, that’s just plain dumb. Bagging [sic tagging] death slogans around town is not art! Every real American knows that! You can’t spray paint a sign that says 'Kill Me Mommy' and call that art!

What’s wrong with the youth of today?

And what about that big Borf head painted over there on the bridge by the river? That was an act of terrorism. Somebody could have been killed looking at that awful thing. Could have gotten distracted and driven their car into the Potomac. We can’t have stuff like that going on in the nation’s capital.

The federal government, this President of the United States of America, has a solemn obligation to protect the people of this country from evil merchants of death like Borf.

Your President knows what good art is. I think good thoughts about good art all the time.

And good American people of good conscience know what really good art is all about too.

Borf, well, that’s not really good real art. We all know that.

It really hurts me at a very personal level that some have suggested that this President doesn’t like art. George W. Bush loves art. Laura and I have more Thomas Kindkade paintings at home in Crawford than we’ve got heads of cattle.

Your President loves art. Let me repeat it: George W. Bush Loves art. Real art that is. But Borf’s not a real artist.

Look, this President ordered his State Department to approve the selection of that great American artist Eduardo Rusario [sic Ed Ruscha] to appear at the Venice Benfoldsfive Finale [sic Venice Biennale] over there in Italy. This exhibition features some really good rock solid thought provoking contemporaneous art [sic contemporary art].

Eduardo now is a real American artist. Works with a style called Mini-anti-female-materialism [sic minimalism]. Real cutting edge stuff, man! I don’t pretend to understand it, but I just know this: Eduardo’s art ain’t telling people to go out and burn an American flag like Borf’s so-called art is doing. Eduardo’s art is not encouraging children to kill their parents.

And Eduardo’s art, well, I just think that his art is the kind of condom-draineous art [sic contemporary art] this country needs more of. We need more artists like Eduardo making more of that mini-van-ballistic [sic minimalist] stuff. That stuff makes you think, man! But it don’t make you think about things Americans ought not to be thinking too much about. You understand what I’m saying?

The American people need to know that their President loves really good contempt-for-paineous art [sic contemporary art] like the minimum-wage-unrealism [sic minimalism] stuff that Eduardo makes.

But let me also emphasize that really good American art, know matter what style it is, even good graffiti art if there is such a thing, also needs to be confined to what I call the 'WWW – white-walled world.'

A legacy of presumed guilt levied by the President of the United States of America is certainly too heavy a public burden for anyone with common sense to bear willingly. Since his arrest in Washington, D.C., many of Borf’s friends, and even some of his most outspoken critics, have raised the possibility that Borf may be the unluckiest of patsies – a Lee Harvey Oswald, if you will, of the contemporary art world. Some wonder whether the true culprits are, indeed, the growing legion of disaffected educated suburban white kids now threatening to scrawl their defiance of the law on walls in the hearts of metropolitan cities all over America in Borf's name.

James W. Bailey