Close Calls

That pretty young lady to the right is my daughter Elise, a highly talented ballerina, an A+ student, an award-winning actress and singer, and quite the existentialist workaholic.

Elise lives in gorgeous Gig Harbor, in Washington state, one of the prettiest, and most charming, and priciest, and safest villages in the Pacific Northwest, about 45 minutes from Seattle.

A couple of months ago Elise and a friend were shopping in one of those huge chic stores that manage to present a tony appearance while being enormous in size. And suddenly, just like in the movies, a masked robber grabs my baby daughter, and throws her to the ground, points a gun to her head and begins screaming about a "hold up and everyone hit the ground."

And people do.

And the robber lets go of Elise and walks towards the counter to grab the cash. And when he does so, Elise crawls into a fitting room, locks the door and using her cell phone calls the police.

And the police have no idea where the store is and ask Elise for an address.

Yeah...

Eventually the robber gets away with his cash (probably not a lot... who the hell uses cash these days anyway?) Why are robbers still robbing stores? If you're so desperate, or such as idiot as to use a gun to rob for cash, then why go after a place with little cash?

So he gets away and although she's pretty freaked out by the whole sequence of events (and as someone who's had a gun pointed to his head not once but twice, and as someone who's been shot at - once in Brooklyn and once in Beirut - I know), she moves on.

Elise also works as a teller in a local Gig Harbor bank while being a full time student - she graduated from High School in three years and already has her Associate Degree and next year will be a junior at the University of Washington.

A couple of weeks ago, an older man approaches her and hands her a note informing my daughter that the bank is being robbed.

Elise hits the silent alarm and (as she's been trained) hands the bank robber the money. Yep... my supercool daughter does not panic and does as ordered, delaying as much as possible.

The bank robber runs away - bummer for the asswipe that Elise had just cleared her drawer of cash a few minutes earlier.

The cops eventually arrive...

The bank (and her dad) decide that Gig Harbor is now part of the 21st century and from now on the bank will have a guard on duty.

Meanwhile, here's the bank robber:
This surveillance photo shows the man who robbed the Key Bank in Gig Harbor on Friday, Nov. 9, 2007.

The suspect is described as a white male, 55-years-old, 6 feet tall with a slender build and long brown hair. He wore glasses, a gray stocking cap, blue jeans and a black pullover jacket with white stripes and cuffs on the collar.

Pierce County Crime Stoppers is offering a $1,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and charges filed in the case. Call (253) 591-5959 if you have information. You can remain anonymous.

Here's a bigger pic of the robber:

Update: A reader points out that the bank robber looks a lot like Ward Churchill! Now that's funny!

Me in the Med


That's me and my second-born (Elise) floating in the Mediterranean around 1992... Check out that tan line! And below is a pic of her now as an actress and model...

Elise Lenna Campello

Cream of the Curators' Talk

When I drove into the underground parking lot underneath American University's Katzen Arts Center last Thursday for the Curators' Talk for the WPA's much anticipated Cream exhibition and art auction, I knew that the joint was going to be packed to the gills: I was half an hour early and parking on the first level was already full.

I went up to the main floor, and immediately ran into Professor Chawky Frenn from GMU's Art School, who was taking one of his classes through the museum and to the lecture. Frenn, who is perhaps the DMV's most politically controversial painter, is also recognized by GMU as one of its best. Earlier this year he was one of the recipients of the Teaching Excellence Award at George Mason University.

Frenn is without a doubt one of the toughest political painters of his generation, and his beautiful classical paintings use the brush and style of the masters to bring forth devastating political and social commentary on paintings often too controversial (as Dartmouth found out a while back) for galleries and museums to offer in a conventional way.

The Katzen was packed to the gills. This is the 29th iteration of the WPA's annual fundraising auction. I've attended most of them since 1993 or so, and this instance was easily the most people, by far, that I've seen come to the Curators' talk.

With all due respect to the terrific curator team assembled this year by Lisa Gold, the hardworking director of the WPA, in my humble but brilliant opinion, the main reason that 67.2% of the people were there, was to see the work picked by and listen to the comments of one of the curators: ubercollector Mera Rubell. There were art dealers from as far as Philadelphia and Richmond who came to the talk and perhaps a chance to meet Rubell and slip her a business card.

The details of how Rubell became involved in the WPA auction this year and the gigantic effect that her presence has caused on the DC area art scene are somewhat chronicled here in my account of her epic "36 studios in 36 hours" marathon. They are also chronicled in her usual brooding style by Jessica Dawson for the Washington Post here.

As you constant readers know, Rubell had selected 16 artists for this exhibition, including one of my drawings. The Lenster was one of the "Sweet 16." By the way, great idea to a DC area photographer to do for DC Magazine or one of those glossies: remember the famous "Irascible 18" photograph?

Mera Rubell during her visit to my studio shows the drawing that she selected for the "Cream" exhibition (Photo by Jenny Yang)
I somewhat rushed through the exhibition, already worried that the auditorium was going to run out of seats. I noticed that a lot of unexpected but familiar DC area art scene A-listers were there, including not one but two Washington Post art critics (perhaps the first time in history that this has happened).

Can you begin to sense the impact that this woman is having upon our area's visual art scene? Look up ennui in your dictionary and feel it beginning to disintegrate.

I said hi to Mera, "how's the baby?" she asked. I told her that Little Junes is doing great. In fact, Anderson (Little Junes) has made me realize that his two sisters Vanessa and Elise were the babies from hell. The little fellow sleeps about 12 hours a night and he has been doing that most of his six months.

His older sisters are both in their twenties now and soon coming to DC to meet their little brother. They're both experienced models and thus if you know anyone who needs a model during the first week of March, let me know.


Vanessa Anne Campello de Kraus


Elise Lena Campello y Strasser
But I meander... I love that word "meander." It's the only thing that I remember from Greek architectural elements from art school and maybe the only architectural element that has an associated word meaning as well.

And so Chawky and I went into the auditorium and found a great sit in the middle, about three rows from the stage and right behind Alberto and Victoria F. Gaitan, both superbly talented DC area artists. Victoria is also one of the "Sweet 16."

The evening started with the presentation of the Alice Denney Award for Support of Contemporary Art to James F. Fitzpatrick, who is not only a wonderful asset to the DMV art scene, but also quite a funny guy. While Fitzpatrick was talking he kept accidentally fiddling with the computer keyboard on the podium, never realizing that he was giving us all a preview of the work about to be discussed, as the gigantic images rotated behind his back.

The curators (in alphabetical order) then started discussing their selected work. It started with Ken Ashton, a well-known DC area photographer and also a Museum Technician for Works on Paper at the Corcoran Gallery of Art. Predictably, Ashton selected photographers for his picks, nearly all Corcoran alumni or staff. My favorite piece amongst his picks (and the potential steal of the auction) is Marissa Long's enigmatic photograph. I want to see more works by this artist.


Marissa Long. Untitled (legs), 2006. Gelatin silver print. 8" x 10". Courtesy of the Artist. Retail Price: $300. Reserve Price: $150
I also have to admit that I was disappointed by the Matthew Girard photo that Ashton picked. I love Girard's fringe images and would have picked one of those edgy and super cool fringe people photos (Matt ferchristsakes get a website!).

My good friend Kristen Hileman, the new Curator of Contemporary Art at the Baltimore Museum of Art followed. She discussed her selection by smartly reading from her notes (and thus finishing within her allotted 10 minutes), and some cool museum wall-text jargon added a little curatorial speak to her selections, some of which "respond to idealism and order" and art that "conceal information as much as it reveals information." My favorite piece amongst her pieces, by far, was Erik Sandberg's gorgeous drawing "Consternation."

Carol K. Huh (who has a really sexy voice), the Assistant Curator of Contemporary Asian Art at the Freer Gallery of Art and Arthur M. Sackler Gallery, Smithsonian Institution and Joanna Marsh, the James Dicke Curator of Contemporary Art at the Smithsonian American Art Museum, followed.

From Huh's selections, my favorite was this interesting drawing on vellum by Jon Bobby Benjamin titled "The Burning of the Empire Absalom", which in spite of its cool title has nothing to do with Darth Vader or Star Trek.

From the very fair ("fair" as Lord Byron would have used the word) Joanna Marsh's selections, I liked Joseph Smolinski's purposefully illustrative graphite on paper titled "Stump", which according to Marsh is a "wry critique on cell phone towers."


Joseph Smolinski. Stump, 2006. Graphite on paper. 9" x 12". Courtesy of the Artist and Mixed Greens Gallery. Retail Price: $950 Reserve Price: $500

Next was Jock Reynolds, an effervescent past head of the WPA and now the Director of the Yale Art Gallery and an accomplished artist on his own right. Jock said that he had "worked with all the artists that he selected" and his selections certainly offered a "walk down memory lane" of DC's artistic foundations from the 70s and 80s. My favorite amongst his selections, however, is still quite a key figure in our area's art scene and easily one of its best-known and most creative sculptors. I'm talking about Jeff Spaulding's very sexy piece titled "Delirium."


Jeff Spaulding Delirium, 2006. Wood, polystyrene, rubber, plaster, and hydrocal. 6" x 7" x 18". Courtesy of the Artist and G Fine Art. Retail Price: $7,000. Reserve Price: $3,500.
Next was Charles Ritchie, who is an artist and the Associate Curator of Department of Modern Prints and Drawings at the National Gallery of Art. His breathtaking Astrid Bowlby selection was my favorite amongst his picks. I'm sending him mental commands for a studio visit to come visit me and see my drawings.

Mera Rubell was next.

This unassuming firecracker of a woman started by saying that she was "totally astonished at what I've found in this community."

She described her 36 hour studio-visiting adventure and observed that "the studio is the holiest of places, the inner sanctum", and admitted her challenges of selecting work by herself after 45 years of doing it as a team with her husband and then her children.

As she began to discuss her 16 selections (16 artists that is), Rubell started with m.gert barkovic (whom you may recall was one of my top picks at the last Artomatic). Her work, Rubell said, "Has the ability to capture power" and "managed to capture {Einstein's} theory."

Of Holly Bass's works, she noted that it is influenced by "the moment that she discovers her blackness [in the white neighborhood where she was raised]" and her piece "deals with change."

Judy Byron "is like a therapist; a talking healer!" She added humor by noting that Byron should "be involved in the Middle East negotiations because she can get people to kiss on the lips!"

My work then popped onto the screen behind her. A gigantic image of my Age of Obama - The Nobel Peace Prize, a million feet tall by a gazillion meters wide, was on the screen. She turned to it.

"This guy is out of control!" she exclaimed into the microphone.

She then described the events that I discussed here, noting that I was the last studio on their grueling 36 hour tour, and that I was also in the same delirious state as them, because I had also been up almost 36 hours creating artwork for them to see (because I had none to show them when I was notified of their visit - all my art was in Miami for the art fairs).


Lisa Gold and Mera Rubell with me during their visit to my studio (Photo by Jenny Yang)
"We were all so delirious that we laughed the whole time that we were there," she added.

She then described the drawing as "gorgeous" and "fantastic", recalling its association with my interest in Pictish culture and describing how the "beautiful nude figure" has the historical Obama acceptance speech tattooed onto her body echoing the ancient rites of carrying history on your body.


F. Lennox Campello. Age of Obama - The Nobel Peace Prize, 2009. Charcoal on paper. 14" x 7 ½". Courtesy of the Artist and Alida Anderson Art Projects. Retail Price: $500. Reserve Price: $250
WOW.

She ended by asking the audience: "Do you know him? - I can't go to sleep without first reading his blog."

Holy shit, Mera Rubell, one of the planet's top art collectors, reads my blog... Good God Almighty, Great Balls of Fire...

Breathe deep Campello... more Rubell's picks to come and one more curator to report on; be fair.

Next Mera talked about Rafael J. Cañizares-Yunez, who is a new DMV artist, at least new to me. She said that his work was akin to Giacometti, but "more sexual" and "amazing."

Adam de Boer is a painter, a really good one, and Mera noted that "it takes lots of courage to take on painting in this time in history."

Of the tiny Mary Early she described her works as "amazing... monumental sculptures."

When Victoria F. Gaitán's striking images filled the screen behind her, Rubell went back into story-telling mode.

"We had to go through a brawl when we visited her apartment building," she said. "And yet, she is the most tender human being you've ever met!"

"An extraordinary performance," she noted. "Very, very exciting," she continued, "haunting images... it's like: Cindy Sherman, eat your heart out!"

Carol Brown Goldberg is "compelled" and "amazing" with "magical sculptures."

Pat Goslee is described as "sensitive." She then goes on to describe Goslee's work as "beautiful and extraordinary."

Jason Horowitz's studio is "wild." The work is described as "larger than life" and "amazing." That last adjective keeps coming back to describe the work that she has selected.

At Barbara Liotta's studio Rubell recalls an "intense conversation" dealing with the sense of the District's artistic relationship to New York's presence in the art world. And Liotta's does "magical things."

Patrick McDonough was "really mesmerizing" and Brandon Morse "does amazing things."

Dan Steinhilber's work was next. Rubell described him as "amazing and totally fantastic"; his work "creates a mystery and asks questions that then surprise you."


Dan Steinhilber
Untitled, 2009. Electric floor fan, bottomless trash can and bag. 120" x 30" x 30" (kinetic work, dimensions variable). Courtesy of the Artist and G Fine Art. Retail Price: $10,000. Reserve Price: $6,000

Lisa Marie Thalhammer was the last Rubell pick discussed. "Turns out," said Rubell, "that [Thalhammer's art], painted on a building, has caused crime in that area to come down."

And she was finished.

The last curator was N. Elizabeth Schlatter, the Deputy Director and Curator of Exhibitions at the University of Richmond Museums. She went back to curatorial museum jargon a little bit, discussing "human sustenance" and "environmental sustainability" and "ornamentation versus structure." Schlatter also did a good job of searching through the WPA Artfile to "discover" some new artists.

Her best pick?

Easy... the DMV's master performance artist who also happens to be a monster of a painter: Andrew Wodzianski.


Andrew Wodzianski
House III version 2, 2009. White titanium oil on tinted canvas. 30" x 48". Courtesy of the Artist and Fraser Gallery. Retail Price: $3,000. Reserve Price: $900
And it was all over. And I mulled the fact that Mera Rubell's curatorial picks had such a distinct and unique flavor from all the other curators, that in my biased opinion they clearly reflected the huge differences between the way that a world-class collector sees artwork and the way that an academic museum curator sees artwork.

They are worlds apart; the museum curator's eye often drifts too far to the side of the mind's conceptualism, ideas and the way that ideas can be expressed in art jargon. It's not wrong or bad, just a part of the way that different people in different life-experiences or positions, see and react to art.

The collector's trained eyes (in this case with 45 years of training) are adept at picking the subtle marriage of creativity, conceptual ideas, technical skill and presentation. It is anchored on a longer lasting reality than the ethereal reality of the revolving museum door.

Both perspectives are needed to stitch together a good visual art tapestry. Both sensibilities make a terrific visual exhibition, and I will agree with the general consensus that I heard buzzed about on Thursday night, that this 29th iteration of the WPA's annual auction is by far one of the best group shows in recent years and easily the strongest WPA auction ever.

But if I was an up and coming young contemporary curator, I'd also use this exhibition to learn a little from a set of eyes with 45 years of collecting experience and see what I could "pick up from her picks."

Anyone can pick a pickle, but only an Englishman can Piccadilly.

Check out the selected artwork here and go bid for some of it.

Thank you Mera, and if you're reading this post, this is how we "misfit toys" now feel about our area's art scene because of your new presence:
.

Campello Sisters Coming to Town

Some shameless promotion of my two daughters, Vanessa and Elise, both of whom are coming to town in March to meet Little Junes.

Both have extensive modeling experience, so if anyone is looking for a Cuban-American model for anything in late March, drop me an email.

Vanessa Anne Campello de Kraus


Elise Lena Campello y Strasser

Elise Tarasova

More charcoal and conte with a little color pencils on unfired Bisque... this is my second born: Elise Tarasova nee Campello... about 3 inches by 3 inches...

Elise as Cameron


Is it me?, or is my daughter Elise, in her latest publicity shots looking like a young version of fellow Cuban-American actress Cameron Diaz? (if Cameron Diaz was in a zombie movie).

Campello Reviewed

No, not me, but my daughter Elise gets reviewed again in "Beauty and the Beast" - A quote:

Elise Campello plays Belle just as she should: as a strong-willed smartypants who happens to also be a stunner. Campello's rich voice is showcased in such tunes as "A Change in Me," which will produce goosebumps.

Read the Herald review here.

She's going to New York soon... stand by for waves.

Campello gets reviewed

Not me, but my youngest daughter Elise Torralbo (nee Campello):

The cast all put in solid performances without a single weak link, but special mention goes out to Elise Torralbo. Playing Olive Ostrovsky. Torralbo is no stranger to TMP, as she was seen in last year’s production of “Shout! The Mod Musical” and takes center stage here with a heartfelt rendition of “The I Love You Song,” and some surprising rope climbing antics that steal the show in “Life is Pandemonium.” Though Torralbo gets the spotlight, everyone in the cast puts in a strong performance...

Read the review by  Derek Shuck in the Tacoma Weekly here.

Also:

Elise Torralbo plays Olive Ostrovsky (except for the shows of January 23 to 25, when Rachel Roewer takes on the role). Olive’s mother is on retreat in India, learning to be enlightened while her father is once again late to one of her events due to work. Torralbo wrings sympathy from the audience as the poor little ignored child who turns her desire for parental affection to her only friend, the dictionary.

Read the review by Lynn Geyer at the Suburban Times here.

Break a leg!

Put on your poodle skirt, bellbottoms, hot pants, miniskirt, or granny dress. Just don't miss my baby daughter Elise Campello in "Sixties Chicks," a musical celebration of the women who reflected and influenced a decade of transformation through the power of rock'n'roll.

Opening night is tonight and it is sold out! Details here.

That's Elise to the left, with Melissa Fleming in the background.

Postcards from the Edge

Postcards from the Edge is easily the world's largest annual group show.

This year it is being hosted by the Robert Miller Gallery in New York, and there are around 1500 original works of art for sale to benefit Visual AIDS.

Details here. The participating artists are listed below and I've highlighted several DC area artists whose names I recognize.

The Artists

Tim Aanensen, Mary Jo Aardsma, Luciana Abait, Samira Abbassy, David Abbott, Myriam Abdelaziz, Joshua Abelow, Issa Abou Issa, Rachel B. Abrams, Daniel Abrams, Vito Acconci, Paula Acosta, Irina Adam, Derrick Adams, Raymond Adams, Brian Patrick Adams, MaryAnne Adjei, Ferid Agi, Abbey Agresta, Pierre Ahlstrom, Tatiana Akoeva, Michael Alago, Michael Alan, Lora Alaniz & Jennifer Beth Guerin, Anne Alarcon, Beatriz Albuquerque, Susan Alden, Aldwyth, Alexander 23, Ali, Meredith Allen, Blanka Amezkua, Shannon Amidon, Marie Anakee, Kristin Anderson, Chris Anderson, Stephen Andrews, Chad Andrews, Victor Angelo, Anonymous, William Anthony, Paul Antonio Szabo, Polly Apfelbaum, Sally Apfelbaum, Ida Applebroog, Robert Appleton, Tomie Arai, Carolyn Arcos, Joan Arena-Mastropaolo, Soledad Arias, Robin Arnold, Alonys Art, Nora Aslan, Dotty Attie, Ochiishi Augustmoon, Dominick Avellino, David Aviles, Joseph Ayala, Joseph Ayers, Helene Aylon, Nancy Azara, Aziz + Cucher, Adam Baer, Julie Baetzold, Ralph Baginski, Shane M. Bainbridge, Patrick Michael Baird, Paul Baker, Melanie Baker, Gikanjali Bakshi, John Baldessari, Phyllis Baldino, Julia Barber, Gerard Barbot, Perry Bard, Oliver Barnes Newton, Burt Barr, Olivia Barr, Paula Barr, Katie Barrie, Megan Barron, Rita Barros, Mark Barry, Beth Bartholomew, Barbara Bashlow Guzman, Elliot Bassman, Larissa Bates, Jackie Battenfield, Hilary Batzel, Erica Baum, Amy Bay, Kristin Beal-Degrandmont, Robert Beck, Jaq Belcher, Adam Bell, Caroline Bell, Anna Bell, Bellavia, Stuart Bender, Barton Lidice Benes, Garry Benet, Benito, Joseph Bennett, Terc Bennett, Ross Bennett Lewis, Gene Benson, Kermit Berg, Stacy Bergener, Ragna Berlin, Jason B. Bernard, Katherine Bernhardt, Amy Bernhardt, Alberte Bernier, Patrick Berran, Elizabeth Best, Stephen Beveridge, Sujata Bharani, Anna Bhushan, Susane Bifano, Peter Bill, Michael Binkley, Sherry Bittle, Darla Bjork, Christine Blackburn, George Blaha, Nancy Blair, Nayland Blake, Julie Blattberg, Ross Bleckner, Lucinda Bliss, Theresa Bloise, China Blue, Deborah Boardman, Victoria Anne Boardman, Daniel Bodner, Alana Bograd, David Bonfim, David Bonfin, Chakaia Booker, David Borawski, Frank Boros, Desiree Borrero, Todd Bosworth, Matthew Bourbon, Nina Bovasso, Astrid M. Bowlby, Melissa Bowman, George Box, Bruce Wesley Boyce, Daniel Boyer, Nicole Boyle, Bern Boyle, Gail Bracegirdle, Philip Bradley, Marcelo Brantes, Dana Brauckmann, John Breiner, Susan Breitsch, Matthew Brennan, Nancy Brett, Norbert Briar, Ben Briere, Celeste Brignac, Walter Briski Jr, Shane Britenstein, Mona Brody, Nancy Brooks Brody, Ashley Brollier, Arnold Brooks, John Brown, Stacy Brown, Brice Brown, Valerie Brown, Shash Broxson, Neil Bruce, Robert Bruce, Miriam Brumer, Loreen Bryant, Mija Bryen, Vanessa Bucci, Matthew Buckingham, Brian Buczak, Thomas Bugarin, Greg Bugel, Sarah Kate Burgess, Christopher Burke, Kenneth Burke, Marty Burns, Bob Burnside, Hannah Burr, Keil Burrman, Nancy Burson, Julie Cabell, Morgan Cahn, Robert Calame, Philip Calkins, Michael J. Cambre, Sandra Camomile, Susan Camp, Kirsten Campbell, F. Lennox Campello, Barbara Campisi, Theresa Rose Canto, Lincoln Capla, Suzanne Caporael, Karlos Carcamo, Claudette Carino, Susanna Carlisle, Joel Carlson, Curtis Carman, Victor Carnuccio, Frederic P. Carpenter, Kevin Carpio, Colleen Carradi, Mary Ellen Carroll, Lana Carter, Casey Leigh Carty, Megan Cassell, Blas Yenzzy Castro, Rick Castro, Janice Caswell, Niccolo Cataldi, James Catania, Andrea Cautmen, Andrea Cautmen, Teresa Celemin, Celso, Li-Trin Cere, Bindu Chadaga, Richard Chaloux, Mark Chamberlain, Anthony Champa, Paul Chan, Victoria Chang, Jennifer Chapek, Ben Chase, Amy Cheng, Pansum Cheng, Andrew Chesler, Julia Chiang, Mike Chiarello, Kathleen Ching, Kim Chivers - D’Amato, Kyung Cho, Wonjung Choi, Cecile Chong, Kevin Christy, Ann Chuchvara, Monica D. Church, Amanda Church, Elise P. Church, Vincent Cianni, John Cizmar, Karen Clark, Rob Clarke, Nuala Clarke, Robert Clarke-Davis, Alex Clates, Aaron Cobbett, Jon Coffett, Orly Cogan, Neal Cohen, Ben Colebrook, Ryan Coleman, Peter Colen, Susan Colgan, Cecy Colichon, Patrick Collier, Vicky Colombet, Greg Colson, Kaersten Colvin-Woodruff, Chrissy Conant, Aron Conaway, Ernest Concepcion, Elisabeth Condon, Doug Condon, Dusty Conley, Brendon Connors, Emily Conover, Juliette Conroy, CB Cooke, Jenifer Cooney, Pam Cooper, David Corbett, Christiane Corcelle-Lippeveld, Kathryn Cornelius, David Correa Muñoz, Jose Luis Cortes, David Corwin, Erin Cowgill, Doug Cox, Steve Cox, Warren Craghead III, Patrick Craig, Matthew Craig, Peter Cramer, Fred Cray, Brian Crede, Kate Crilley-Fauvell, Ada Crisclone, Elizabeth Crisman, Judith Croce, Crudo, Pedro Cruz-Castro, Janet Culbertson, James Cullinane, Alan Cumming, Daphne Cummings, Megan Cump, Colleen Cunningham, Pasquale Cuppari, Peggy Cyphers, Kathleen Dac, Melissa Dadourian, Kara Dahlberg, Pradeep Dalal, David Dalessandro, Kelly Darr, Julie Davidow, James Davis, Raoul de Jong, Jose L. De Juan, Angela De Rosette, Marc DeBauch, Blase DeCelestino, Elisa Decker, Chris Dei, Matthew Deleget, Gianna Delluomo, Christina Delsandro, Jason Deneault, Priscilla Derven, Andrew DeShong, Almut Determeyer, Aasta Deth, Geoffrey Detrani, Sarah & Pearl Detweiler, Yoko Devereaux, Linda Di Gusta, Mike Diana, Mare Dianora, Alise Ann Diavastes, James Diffin, James Diffin, Simone DiLaura, Lesley Dill, Roz Dimon, Danielle Dimston, George Dinhaupt, Aureo Diniz, Abigail Doan, Erica Dobin, Corinne Dolle, Rory Donaldson, William Donovan, William Donovan, William Donovan, Sarah Doremus, Samantha Mae Dorfman, Elissa Dorfman, Elizabeth Dougherty, Christopher Dovas, Chad Downard, Claudia Drake, Charles Drees, Melanie Ducharme, Daniel Dueck, Angela Dufresne, Linda Dugger, Jeff Dunlap, Sheila Dunn, Alexis Duque, Chad Durgan, Anne Dushanko Dober, Kimberly Dwn, Annie Dwyer Internicola, Marcel Dzama, Michael Eade, Janae Easton, Mat Eaton, Masako Ebata, Marlene Eckhardt, Allison Edge, Cynthis Edorh, Frank Egloff, Melissa Ehrenveich, Per Eidspjeld, Jason Eisner, Emily Elahi, Eva Eland, Deborah Elliott Deutschman, Scott Elms, Mia Enell, Elise Engler, Cara Enteles, Paula B. Entin, Joy Episalla, Sharon Epperson, Mark Epstein, Donelle Estey, Yvonne Estrada, Beth Evancho, Margaret Evangeline, John Evans, Patrick Evans, Dore Everett, Bruce Eves, Bruce Eyster, F. Facer, James Fackrell, Rachael Faillace, Diego Assis Fainer, Jessica Falango, Neil Farber, Emily Farranto, David Faulk, Ming Fay, Nicholas Fedak II, Tony Feher, Cui Fei, Josh Feldman, Brandon Ferebee, Rea Silvia Feriozzi, Eliza Fernbach, Brad Fesmire, Celeste Fichter, Toma Fichter, Angelo Filomeno, Janet Filomeno, Sandra Fine, Michael A. Fink, Brian Finke, Christina B. Fischer, Katie Fitzsimmons, Paul W. Flanary, Jr., Becket Flannery, Sean-Michael Fleming, Ralph Rafael Fleming, Bettina L. Fliegel, Irina Florov, Robert Flynt, Karen Foley, Roy Foo, Jean Foos, Tom Foral, Monique Ford, Juliana Forero, Jennifer Formica, Nicholas Forrest, Peter Foucault, Martine Fougeron, Nicole Fournier, Lindsey Fox, Tara Fracalossi, Anne Maria Frassila, Travis Frazelle, Christopher Frederick, Jacqueline Freedman, Jacqueline Freedman, Martin Freeman, Sabra Friedman, Matthew Fritze, Nichole Frocheur, Joanna Frueh & Jill O’Bryan, Terra Fuller, David G., Faith S. Gabel, Mark Galindez, Arturo Garcia, Corey Garcia, Roberto Garcia, Laurel Garcia Colvin, Milton Garcia Latex, Johanna Gargiulo-Sherman, Joy Garnett, Deborah Garwood, Bob Gates, Jeff Gauntt, Stan Gaz, Madeline Gekiere, Amy Geller, Mike Geno, Alexis George, Valerie George, Sarah Getto, Cris Gianakos, Byron Gibbs, Haya Gil-Lubin, David Gilbert, Shelley Gilchrist, Ardian Gill, Jean K. Gill, Eric Ginsberg, Ava Ginsberg, Luis Gispert, Sean Gittens, Judy Glantzman, Milton Glaser, Sydell Glasser, Robin Glassman, Sybil Gleaton, Daniel Glendening, Angela Glennon, A. Godard, Kate Goertzen, Monika Goete, Susan Gofstein, Justin Goh, Jo Going, Nat Goldberg, Kenneth Sean Golden, Sheila Golden, Ben & Emma Goldman, Lance Goldsmith, David Goldstein, M. Xiomara Gomez, Maria Elena Gonzalez, Kathy Goodell, Alicia Goodfarb, Abby Goodman, David Emanuel Goodman, Juliette Goodwin, Michael Goodwin, Lee Gordon, Kay Gordon, Gore.b, Michelle Gorenstein, Tal Goretsky, Jeff Gottesfeld & Mike Diana, Sarah Gottlieb, sr(s) (gr)over, Leor Grady, Deborah Grant, Robin Graubard, Deba Jean Gray, Kimberley Gray, Joanne Greenbaum, Rodney Alan Greenblat, Eric Gregg, Stan Gregory, Peter Griffin, Michela Griffo, Clare Grill, Carina Grossmann, Katrin Grotepass, Caroline Grubbs, Erin Rae Guenzler, Ivaylo Guergiev, Kathy Gulrich, Rikki Gunton, Diana Gurfel, Carlos Gutierrez-Solana, Hans Haacke, Theresa Hackett, Patricia Haemmerle, Katherine Hagan, Sara Haley, Joan Hall, Cassandra Jennings Hall, Linda Hall, Brent Hallard, Dan Halm, Cristine Halt, Katy Hamer, Anna Hammand, Harmony Hammond, Jane Hammond, John Hampshire, Linda Handler, Tan Hang Wee, Rose Hankish, Erik Hanson, Kim Hanson, John Hardy, Joann M. Harrah, Christopher Harris, Rodney Harrison, Rose Hartman, Peter Harvey, Ellen Harvey, Michael Harwood, Naj Hasani, Naj Hasani, Naj Hasani, Skowmon Hastanan, Fred Hatt, Bobbi Hau, Sarah Hauser, Tom Hawkins, Stuart Hawkins, Mary Heilmann, Mara Held, Jessica Renee Helfand, Gary Heller, Thomas Hellstrom, Brizzy Hemphill, Doug Henders, Tyrone Henderson, Geoffrey Hendricks, Bill Hendricks, John Hendriks, Carol Henry, Ed Herman, Matthias Herrmann, Alex Hetherington, Bernard Hildebrandt, Amy Hill, Claudia Hill, Juan Hinojosa, Colleen Ho, Jim Hodges, Anne Hodson, Anna Hofverberg, Laura Holeman, Frank Holliday, Joseph O. 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Burns Night

Burns Night is celebrated each year in Scotland (and around the world) on or around January 25. It is in celebration to commemorate the life of the bard (poet) Robert Burns, who was born on January 25, 1759. It is also a great excuse for Scots and people of Scottish ancestry around the world (where the one-drop rule applies) to get together and drink single malt, and eat haggis, and drink single malt.

I lived in a 307-year-old farmhouse in Scotland from 1989-1992. The farmhouse, which had a fireplace in almost every room, and two in the bathroom and two in the huge kitchen, was named Little Keithock Farmhouse and was full of ghosts, as my two daughters, Vanessa and Elise can testify to. That's my drawing of the house to the left.

My landlord (Mr. Stewart) was a really nice guy and a big wig in the nearest town, which was the most ancient village of Brechin, and in 1991 he invited me to the village's Burns Night and not only that, but also to its greatest honor: to deliver the Burns' ode to the haggis and then stab the beast... in case you don't know, the whole focus of the evening centers on the entrance of the haggis on a large platter to the haunting sounds of a piper playing bagpipes. As soon as the haggis is on the table, the host (in this case me) reads the "Address to a Haggis." 

This is Robert Burns' ode written to that succulent Scottish dish. At the end of the reading, the haggis is ceremonially stabbed and sliced into two pieces and the meal begins.

This is what I was supposed to memorize and deliver:

Address to a Haggis

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.
The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.
His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!
Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.
Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?
Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.
Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis

As you can see, it is not written (nor delivered) in English, but in Old Scots language.

Being the amazing Renaissance man that I am, I took the challenge, and for about three months, I practiced my Scottish accent, with the help of Vanessa and Elise's local Scottish babysitter. 

I practiced and practiced, and she damned near died laughing most of the times... but towards the end she told me that I was pretty good and that I sounded like someone "from the Orkneys..."

On Burns' Night I arrived at the magnificent Victorian building that is the Brechin's Mechanics Hall, wearing my official US Navy kilt with the official US Navy tartan, ready for Freddy and confident about the challenge ahead. 

And yes, my babysitter had advised me (as all Scots do to newbies just to screw with them) that I was supposed to go commando under the tartan, which I did, and which caused a nightmarish next-morning shower event worth of its own story).

Scots are some of the friendliest people on this planet and Scotland is easily the most beautiful land on that same planet, and as a key part of the Night, everyone wanted to treat me to a drink.

That where the problem started.

I got there on an empty stomach about 7PM, you see... and to make things worse, I don't really like Scotch, single malt or otherwise... I know, I know... heresy.

But as a good guest, I accepted the dozens of Scotches delivered to me by the region's nicest gentlemen, and of course, everyone had a toast, and so... ahhh, I drank a lot of Scotland's best-known product.

The only issue to my spectacular abilities to hold my booze was the fact that the haggis wasn't actually delivered until 11PM, and by then I was three sheets to the wind and as drunk as I have ever been but a hundred times worse!

I actually like haggis and whenever it is on the menu (here or there) I usually order it... most of you would gag if you knew what it is... cough, cough... so that's not the storyline here.

Anyway, around 11PM, I was tipped that the haggis was being delivered... the bagpipes began to cry that spectacular sound of the Celtic world, and the huge platter arrived.

I walked unsteadily towards it, grabbed the large, sharp knife, and as protocol calls for, began waving it around while I started, in my best Scottish accent, to pay homage to the haggis while at the same time trying not to slice off my ears.

The hall was silent, and a couple of hundred people followed my every word and movement of the knife, sculpting invisible shapes in the air.

And then, as called for, I stabbed the beast and cut it in two.

The hall exploded in applause and I walked back to my table... so far so good... other than the unexplained laughter.

Mr. Stewart, who was sitting next to me, was standing and clapping furiously, as was everyone else. This by itself, my addled brain registered, was curious, as Scots are great people, but rather reserved. To my slight alarm, I also noted that he was laughing really, really, really hard.

So hard, in fact, that tears were running down his face.

Oh, oh....

He slapped my back as he hugged me and continued to laugh, and placed yet another single malt on my hand.

"That was great!" (sounds like "gret" in Scottish) he shouted above the din, as tears ran down his handsome face, "We've never heard 'Address to a Haggis' recited in a Japanese accent before!"

"What a gret ideee!"

Put yourself in my place for a moment here... there are a couple of hundred Scots thinking that I just pulled a comedy routine on their sacred ode, and they're laughing their ass off, so it must have worked... right???

"I practiced like crazy," I said, suddenly quite sober.

And that's the story of how this guy delivered on a Burns' Night in Brechin, Scotland, got drunk on his ass, made a lot of really good, decent Scottish men laugh, and had a most memorable night.

The story of how I got home, as I clearly couldn't and didn't drive, is a story for another day... suffice it to say that thistles usually grow on the side of most Scottish back roads and that if you brush against them, you are really fucked for a while. 

Scotch and thistles don't mix well on a really dark night in the Scottish country side.

Elise Campello reviewed again

She gets a nice shout out in this review in The Olympian.

On a more serious note, Elise Campello as Olive Ostrovsky sings beautifully and powerfully on “The I Love You Song” with backup by Moon and Anastasia, and in duet with Fry on “Second.”

Vanessa and Elise

My two beautiful daughters in 1989 - it was clearly hair day!

Campello reviewed

Not me but my daughter Elise in The Wedding Singer:

The uber stand out was Elise Campello as Julia Sullivan. She is such a full package of talent. She brings everything to the show and makes it a tour-de-force every time the lights come on the stage.

Read the review here.

Elise Campello reviewed again!

"Showing great range as an actor, Campello goes from sexy and brash to tender and vulnerable in the bat of an eye.

She sets the tone for Ariel when, once out of her parent’s sight, she slips out of her modest clothes to reveal tight shorts and an exposed midriff and she then vamps wildly to 'The Girl Gets Around.'"

Read the News Tribune review here.

Firstborn

I'm always telling you about my daughter Elise's successes in the theater, but my eldest daughter Vanessa is no slouch.

A while back she was in a singing competition where the competitors had to sing songs picked by the jurors. Vanessa ended up with the highest difficulty song in the entire competition: Whitney Houston's "I will always love you."

She delivered a power performance of one of the planet's most difficult songs to sing... see it below:

She finished second; behind her sister Elise!

Campello gets a mention!

Not me, but my daughter Elise:

The cast is relatively small for TMP's usual productions with only nine actors and an accompanist. Many of the actors portray two or three characters throughout the five musicals. While all the actors handled their roles skillfully, as usual, some were more enjoyable to watch than others and maybe it is just a matter of preference of acting styles. Regardless of what acting style you prefer, Elise Campello, Cherity Harchis were standouts among the cast.

Read the whole review here.

Footloose Trooper

That's my baby daughter Elise to the left, and she just had an opening night for Footloose at the Tacoma Musical Playhouse in Tacoma, Washington.

She performed the opening in spite of having brochitis.

A little Campello trooper, no?

And she's also on the traveling "Mercer Girls" show for the 5th Avenue Theatre in Seattle.

Campello Reviewed

Ahh... not me but my daughter Elise again.

Read it here.

Campello for Christmas

My daughter Elise has been busy recording a Christmas Album by Sony Masterworks and Steinway Artist Andrew T. Miller.

Elise, along with a few other very talented artists, are featured on this album and you should get one today and play it often during Xmas.

Go to www.andrewtmiller.org for more info!